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I haven't been around in quite a bit. I was busy studying for the Bar exam, and then passing it on my first try, and then getting licensed as an attorney. :P

But I have a new fanmix that I completed a while back but never posted. It's a book-fanmix, for Suzanne Enoch's awesome romance story, England's Perfect Hero. And even if I do say so myself, it's an excellent fanmix. It's great. I love it to bits. And I think that even if you've never read the book and don't care for romances, you'll like it. I THINK.

Hopefully I'll have time to post it soon. And if anyone has any requests for GENERAL fan mixes - like, my fanmixes for tea time or journal writing were general fanmixes - I'd be willing to consider them. Just reply to this post.

Thanks for lurking around, guys. :) It's sweet of you.

a journal-writing fanmix!

In recent months, I've gotten into journal writing. I like to call it a journal, not a diary, although I might just start calling it notebooking, just to be a douche. I've been wanting to add some consistency and discipline to my life, and to take some time out and reflect, and journal writing seemed like just the way to accomplish all that. I used to think I had to write in it every single day or I was doin it rong, but I've mellowed out a bit, and just write in it when I want to, which, oddly, gets me writing in it every day, whereas when I thought I had to do it every day, I would end up skipping a couple days in a row. Weird.

Anyway, I like the idea of doing hobby-related fanmixes, especially since my tea mix was such a hit. So this mix is for anyone who keeps a journal or diary, or wants to. It's a fanmix, but it's also a really short, abridged guide to writing a journal if you're one of those folks that's trying to get into it.

All songs are tagged properly, ordered, and bear the album art. All you have to do is download and add to your mp3 player. Oh, and leave a comment, because those sustain me. :D

(also: How To Keep a Journal)

Only temples and pyramids enjoy such permanence as writing does." -- Richard Rhodes

Excuse the horrible back-cover art. I never do back covers and I never really care about them.

My Baby Loves A Bunch of Authors -- Moxy Fruvous

We'll be together for ages // eatin' and sleepin' and turnin' pages

There are two purposes for this song. For one thing, if you're hesitant about journal writing and don't really know how to get started, one of the best ways to get your creative juices going and get your thoughts on the page is to pick a favorite quote or two. This can be a quote from a book you love, a verse from the Bible/Torah/Quran or other religious text, a song lyric, a poem, anything that elicits some sort of response from you. You can write down your quote and talk about it, what it means to you, why it's worthy of remembrance. My journal (book blog, too) contains lots of quotes. Some are from books, some are song lyrics, and I have a few Quranic verses in there, too. And the inside cover of my journal has a quote from a Lemony Snicket book.

Another idea: if you want to keep a themed journal, or if you are just not sure how to get started with your journal, consider writing about a book you're reading. You can keep an entire journal where you talk only about books! I was going to do that, but decided to keep a book blog instead because I type faster than I write.

Also, this song is just adorable.

I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself A Letter - Dean Martin

I'm gonna smile and say / I hope you're feeling better / And I'll close with love the way you do.

Dean Martin and Kanye West are by BOYS. I don't think it's possible for me to make a fanmix without including one of them.

I included this because a journal is so totally, completely personal. In a way, you're writing to yourself, perhaps yourself in the future, reading back on these entries. But that can also be meant in a more literal sense: you can use your journal to write messages to yourself in the past, telling your sixteen year old self not to stress so much about which college to get into, because she picks the right one and ends up having a blast.

You can write a letter to yourself in the future, like in that great episode of How I Met Your Mother, telling your future self all sorts of things. Hey, future self, you better still be able to do a sudoku puzzle in four minutes flat, because I worked REALLY hard to consistently hit that time, and I don't want you to mess it up by being lazy! Anything at all.

A journal is a really great place to check in with yourself.

Yes I Can - Sammy Davis Jr.

Take a look what do you see / 133 lbs of confidence, me / Got the feeling I can do anything

A journal is a great place to give yourself a pep talk when you need it. You can build up your confidence and be your own best cheerleader. We all need a pick me up sometimes, and when you're down, you might find some value in turning to your journal and building yourself right back up. You are awesome, and you know that better than anyone.

Also, Sammy Davis Jr has an incredible set of pipes. Wow! What a guy.

High Hopes -- Doris Day

All problems just a toy balloon / They'll be bursted soon / They're just bound to go pop / Oops, there goes another problem, kerplop

Such a fun, happy song with a great message: no problem is as terrible or confounding as we think it is. A journal is a great way to remind ourselves of this. When you feel really bogged down, like you're stuck in a terrible mess and don't know what to do, you can take to your journal in several ways. You can use it to list all the wonderful things about you, so you remember how capable you are, and that you can totally kick this problem's ass. You can use it to list all the things you're grateful for, so that your life no longer seems so bleak. You can use it to write your problem down and analyze it, so that you can gain some perspective and attack it from different angles and work out a solution. Basically, that's what we really need when we're in a mess: time, distance, and a plan of attack. A little time - meaning, a little time to breathe - and a little distance from the problem - like writing it down, which puts it on the page and gives us the distance we need to really see it - are the things we need to form our plan of attack.

And a journal can totally help us get there.

Things I'll Never Say -- Avril Lavigne

If I could say what I wanna say / I'd say I wanna blow you / Away

Ahaha. This always reminds me of that episode of Arrested Development where Michael thinks that lady is his sister, but doesn't know that she's not and is instead a prostitute. He gets calls from his employees saying that she, Nellie, has blow then all ...away. He keeps saying, "you forgot to say away, again." AHAHAHA.

Anyway, this is totally cliched, but a great use for a journal nonetheless. We all have crushes and infatuations and silly little thoughts we would never want to say aloud for fear of being totally mortified. A journal is perfect to talk about the dreamy boy in homeroom, or the super cute guy you saw at the coffee shop while picking up your morning latte. There are tons of sites devoted to things like this - Missed Connections is one of them, where peopel write about people they saw that they wish they'd talked to. Your journal can be full of those romantic little things that flutter around in your head and make you feel like you maybe watched too many Disney movies as a kid and are now hopelessly lost in dreamland.

Secrets - OneRepublic

This time / Don't need another perfect lie / Don't care if critics ever jump in line / I'm gonna give all my secrets away

We all have secrets, and a journal won't judge. When you share, when you confess, when you divulge, it's like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders, and sometimes it can be really cathartic to let your secrets out and scrawl them across the page.

Of course, if you're going to do this, I recommend having a good hiding spot, or convincing everyone it's your quantum mech notes from class. When I first started my journal, I eased into it it by just writing down daily events: places I went, things I did. It was all sooooo boring. That journal sat around for days in the family room, on the dining table, on the couch, and no one bothered with it. The FIRST day I wrote something even remotely personal and secret-y and gushy in it was the day that my little brother saw it, read it, and mocked me mercilessly.


So yes, hiding spots.

Lay Lady Lay - Bob Dylan

I long to see you in the morning light / I long to reach for you in the night

Such a sexy song. So intimate and personal - and great fodder for your journal. Some people are comfortable sharing information - perhaps too much information - about their sex lives with others. Some aren't. A journal can be an excellent place to reflect on the state of your love life, on your musings about your own sexuality, about your fantasies and desires and what gets you going. It can be a great outlet to use to channel your own sexual nature and sexual feelings, and can be a good place to check in with yourself as pertains to sexuality. You have freedom in these pages. No one's reading, unless you let them. (If you were to write out your fantasies, perhaps, and leave your journal where your partner may find it...) No one is judging. You get to be as explicit and raunchy and honest as you want. A journal will never slut-shame, and a journal will never call you a prude. Just go with it.

Here I Dreamt I Was an Architect - The Decemberists

And we are vagabonds / We travel without seatbelts on / We live this close to death

Sleep is a little death after all, yes? Some of us have extremely vivid dreams while we sleep (like me) and a journal can be used to jot these down. I happen to love my dreams. Even the scary ones. They're so intricate and bizarre and chock full of so many details and sensations. But the problem is that I never remember any of them - just the few most important ones that I've dreamed in my life. Now I've started using my journal as a way to remember them, or at least to put them down on paper.

You can take this a step further. Once you write down the details of your dream, you can try your hand at analyzing them. Are they clearly just a mishmash of things you've seen that day or in the few days preceding? Are they something more? Try to interpret them. Try to figure out what certain plot points or objects in your dream mean. You probably won't be able to get it right all the time, or even most of the time but the beauty is that there's no wrong answer here, so your mind can be free to roam and try to make sense of these dreams as it will.

And you just might learn something about yourself from this exercise.

There She Goes My Beautiful World - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Well, me, I'm lying here, with nothing in my ears / Me, I'm lying here, with nothing in my ears / Me, I'm lying here, for what seems like years / I'm just lying on my bed with nothing in my head.

I talked about this before, but when I told myself I had to write in my journal every day, I would skip days. I'd skip a week. It just felt so rigid. But when I told myself that I could write in my journal whenever I felt like it, even if it was once a year, I found myself seeking it out and wanting to write in it. I still skip days occasionally, but not very often, because that's just me.

But you don't have to write in it every day. You can write only when you want to. Maybe once a week. Maybe every night before bed as you sip your green tea. Maybe once a month. Maybe only two or three times a year. You can return to your journal when YOU feel like, without feeling guilty about it.

Because sometimes, some days, you just won't have anything to say. And that's just fine. Your journal doesn't mind.

Paperback Writer - The Beatles

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few / I'll be writing more in a week or two / I can make it longer if you like the style

No one is reading your journal. There is no one to critique or criticize it, and no one sitting with a red pen to grade it. No one is reading it but you. But doesn't mean it has to stay that way. Some famous figures in history wrote journals with publication in mind. Just because no one's reading it now doesn't mean that no one ever will. You could very well write a journal as a book meant to be published, maybe playing with it to tell a story told in journal entries. Or you could write things in it, like poems or essays, that you may want to polish up and publish later.

Or, and this is the easiest of all, you could write things in it that you wouldn't mind others reading, like I mentioned earlier with sexual fantasies. You could even write letters to folks in your life in your journal, whether they read them or not. Play around with the idea of what a journal is. Is it a story of your life? Can it be the story of someone else's life? Can it be a way to deal with people in your life without talking to them? (Here, I'm thinking specifically of the Islamic teaching that if you're angry with someone, invent an apology from him to you as a way of getting over your anger or getting past the misunderstanding.) And if you wouldn't mind your journal being read by others (say a best friend or sibling) you could always swap journals now and then and just sit and read and talk and laugh.

Play around with it. That's what it's for.

Jesus Walks - Kanye West

God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down / The only thing that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now / And I don't think there is nothing I can do right now to right my wrongs / I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long.

This isn't meant to exclude anyone that isn't a theist. It is meant to include theists and atheists, because a journal has room for everyone.

For those of you that are religious (like me), a journal is yet another way to talk to a higher power. Write your prayers. Write what you're thankful for. Write about the state of your spirituality, and what spirituality means to you. Go nuts with it. No one's judging you and telling you that you're a bad Muslim/Christian/Jew/Hindu/etc if you believe X. No one's saying anything.

And beyond that, theists and atheists can use journals as a place to give voice to insecurities and fears and anxieties. We're all worried, I'm sure, about where we're going to be 10 years from now. About global food shortages. About ending one (illegal) war and jumping right into another one. We're insecure about whether we're good people, living up to our potential, whether we're letting down the folks who love us, and so on.

Use your journal to purge those worries. Address the insecurities. Put the fears down in ink and stare at them. Let some of that out of your head and off your shoulders. Your journal can handle the weight.

Picture Book - The Kinks

Picture yourself when you're getting old / Sat by the fireside a-pondering on / Picture book, pictures of your mama, taken by your papa a long time ago

I bet most of us would get a kick out of our journals when we're older. I'm not saying that we'll re-read our journals, or even that our journals are worth re-reading, necessarily, but still. There's something to be said for being old and looking back and seeing a whole shelf full of journals that you filled up ever since you were young. That's you, sitting on the shelf. That's a picture of you, a picture of your parents, a picture of your siblings, a picture of your life, a picture of your friends, a picture of your pet, a picture of your emotional and physical and academic struggles, all drawn and written in your own hand.

And honestly, as dumb or sappy as it sounds, I think there's something to be said for that.

Aside from all of that, a journal can be a great way to gain perspective on ... well, everything. You can use it to figure out your own place in the universe, to see where you fit in. And if you have no idea when you start, I'm pretty sure you'll have some idea (as to where you fit in) by the time you finish a journal and move on to the next one. And somewhere along the way, you'll start to see your journals as an extension of yourself, because they are at their heart the purest, truest, rawest expression of yourself.

The 59th Street Bridge Song (Feelin' Groovy) -- Simon & Garfunkel

Slow down, you move too fast / You've got to make the morning last

There was a study done years ago that came to the conclusion that journal writers lived longer, happier lives and had stronger immune systems than non-journal-writers. You might expect me to dismiss this as hokum, but I can't, because this makes sense to me, even though it doesn't tell me anything I didn't already know.

One of the benefits of journal-writing is stress relief. Plain and simple, that's what it is: you sit down, you force yourself not to really do anything else except pick up your pen and move it across the page. Even if you write for only five minutes, those are five minutes in which you've blocked out everything else and really concentrated on an easy, repetitive motion: forming letters on a page. You've chilled out, you've relaxed, you've decompressed a bit, and you come away feeling less stressed and less anxious. And this is true even if all you did was write down a list of all the places you went that day! This says nothing as to whether or not you reached some sort of emotional epiphany on the page - in which case, I'd presume your stress levels were even lower than if you just wrote a list of places you visited.

And it's well established that less stress makes us healthier. We're happier, we're stronger, we're calmer, and since stress suppresses the body's ability to heal itself, less stress makes the immune system more effective, which translates into a stronger immune system that can better fight whatever ills we're dealing with.

So I think the study was right on the nose ... but it's pretty clear that journal-writers aren't the only ones who can live longer and have stronger immune systems. I'm sure that even if you don't keep a journal but instead meditate every day, or do yoga every day, or take a calming walk every day, or drink a cup of tea (really drink a cup of tea, blocking out everything else and then just taking that time to relax with a hot drink) you'd see the same results.

Journaling is just one way to reduce stress and be healthier. There are tons of other ways. But hey, at least we know that journaling absolutely doesn't hurt!

If you're ready to start your own journal, and even if you're not, here's the mix. Enjoy, and remember that comments reduce MY stress levels. :P

.: download :.
available at mediafire

an afternoon tea fanmix!

I absolutely adore tea. I drink black tea on cold, rainy days; I drink oolong on special occasions or when I need a pick-me-up; I like white tea iced, with other flavors, usually fruit; and I drink green tea all day long, steeping the leaves over and over in my little ceramic tea pot, and giving the tea liquor additional color with a half-stick of cinnamon slipped under the lid.

And tomorrow, for Thanksgiving, I'm going to be making pumpkin scones with a caramel cream glaze, to be enjoyed with darjeeling (with Ceylon leaves for a touch of citrus). It'll be a lovely little treat for the afternoon.

So I plotted out a quick little mix to play while I baked scones, and while I sat back with my china tea cup and drank my tea and ate the little pumpkin cookies and stared out over my backyard. I kept it standards-y, but not really, but kind of, and I think it'll be a great mix to pull up on your iPod when you've had a rough day and need to take a little time out ... for tea.


Enjoy! And remember, comments sustain me. Comments rule. Especially comments about your favorite memories involving tea, or which teas you like to drink and how you brew them, if you brew them in a special way, like I do by adding a half cinnamon stick to a pot of green tea leaves.  I'd love to know!

All tracks are tagged with title/artist/album name, ordered, and are tagged with the image art. You might be offended by the cover art if you are a radical Republican.

(It had to be said. Those RWNJs have ruined the phrase "tea party!")


Tea For Two - Art Tatum (Instrumental)

Absolutely killer. A great recording.

Tea For Two - Doris Day

Sweet and classic. (A little annoying if you've listened to it too many times, I'm not going to lie.)

When I Take My Sugar To Tea - Frank Sinatra

So sweet and lively and fun. Oh, Frank.

Toast & Marmalade For Tea - Tin Tin

It had been YEARS since I last heard this song, and then I found it and was soon snapping along. Also, what a great picture. That's Marie from "The Aristocats" on that mug!

A Decent Cup of Tea - Frank Turner

Slow and smooth, just like a good cup of tea should be.



Tea For Two (Cha Cha Cha) - Xavier Cugat and his orchestra

Yes, I decided there needed to be an intermission in this soundtrack, and in tea time. Why not? And Xaviar Cugat is lovely. I love music from the 1930s and 1940s. So rich and vibrant and sexy.


Tea for the Tillerman - Cat Stevens

I've always been partial to Cat Stevens, especially since he's now Yusuf Islam. He's the most publicly known Muslim hipster! Hilarious.

For the Price of a Cup of Tea - Belle & Sebastian

I've loved this band since high school.

Afternoon Tea - The Kinks

I love the Kinks. They always manage to strike at a basic human truth, with catchy melodies.

Tea For Two -- Frank Sinatra and Dinah Shore

I used this in my Anthony/Kate soundtrack, but I don't care. It's a great one for this soundtrack. Slow and mellow and easily sexy.

Tea For Two (Instrumental) - Nat King Cole

A fabulous instrumental to close this soundtrack out. Yes, I concentrated on the Tea for Twos. Can you blame me? They're perfect for this soundtrack, especially when you're trying to drink your tea in contemplative, content silence, or chitchat with your girlfriends over a steaming cup of tea and sweet scones. I picked 3 instrumental versions, as well as 1 male vocal version and 1 female. It worked out very well, I think.

Enjoy! And remember, COMMENTS. :| I'm watching all of you.

.:download here:.
at mediafire
YAY! I'm so thrilled to have finished this mix. Romancing Mister Bridgerton is my favorite romance novel of all time, and really, one of my favorite books of all time. I have two mixes planned for it: this one, which has a very modern feel, and a mix comprised entirely of standards for a smooth, old-time-y feel. It's going to be great. Twice the Colin and Penelope, twice the love.


Small disclaimer: I normally try to tag and order all my songs perfectly, but for some reason, track 07 would NOT play between track 06 and track 08. It ended up way at the end no matter what I did. And when I was trying to fix it, I realized that I liked track 02 better as track 01 and vice versa, but by that time I'd already uploaded it for a second time and didn't want to delete and re-reupload AGAIN. So you can just fiddle with the track orders yourself. (1, 2, and 7 are probably the only ones that are messed up.) For this reason, I included a back cover, which is something I never do since I order them every time. Long boring disclaimer over.

Let's get started.

For the modern-y mix, I wanted to cast real people as Colin/Penelope. I picked a young Michael Vartan for Colin (and fixed his eye color, although you can't really tell), and Amy Adams (posing in front of red wallpaper, hahaha) as our favorite wallflower Penelope.

I'm not thrilled with the cover but whatever.

Like I said, I wanted a super modern, totally removed-from-Regency feel to this one. Almost comically so. Standards are what I use when I want to do a mix for anything from 1800-1950s. Which is why putting a modern twist on this made me laugh.

.:Gentlemen Prefer Wallflowers:.

A Colin/Penelope Fanmix

Hold it In // Jukebox The Ghost

The single-sheet newspaper became an instant sensation. No one knew who Lady Whistledown really was, but everyone seemed to have a theory. For weeks - no, months, really - London could speak of nothing else.

"Life is / OMG if I tell him / he'll tell her / and then she will know / I like her."

This is in honor of London's best and most famous and certainly wittiest gossip, Lady Whistledown. She appears in many Bridgerton (and I believe, non-Bridgerton?) books and her gossip columns are quoted in the beginning of the chapter, functioning as a distant, quasi-narrator. It's quite a clever device, really. And Lady Whistledown frames each chapter in this book as well, frequently criticizing Penelope's fashion choices, and (elegantly) fawning over Colin Bridgerton's legendary charm and incredible green eyes.

This song is one of my favorites. It's bouncy and fun and totally reminds me of all the busybodies in the ton, reading their gossip sheets and then discussing them at the next ball. Lady Whistledown is quite a sensation, after all.

Daydreamer // Adele

Colin Bridgerton was witty, he was dashing, he had a devil-may-care jokester quality to him that made women swoon, but most of all . . . Colin Bridgerton was nice.

"Daydreamer / Sitting on the sea / Soaking up the sun / He is a real lover . . . And he could change the world / With his hands behind his back."

Penelope daydreams constantly about Colin and his emerald eyes. And- though she wouldn't admit it if asked- was guilty of doodling his name and hers on a sheet of expensive paper, which she pitched into the fire as soon as she heard someone coming. It doesn't help her fantasies that he's so often out of the country, but she's quite happy when he returns home rested and tanned. As for the changing the world part, it reminds me of a much later scene, where Penelope angrily tells Colin that he is a man, he's rich, he's popular, he's handsome, and the world is his oyster, so he can do whatever he wants. And he acts like a complete baby after she scolds him, which is entertaining.

When I listen to this, i can totally picture Penelope falling back into her daydreams when her best friend Eloise Bridgerton tells her that her older brother is expected back soon from Cypress.

Hey Stephen // Taylor Swift

And in a testament to the bad timing that had plagued her throughout her life, the first voice she heard was Colin's, and the words were not kind. ". . . AND I AM CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO MARRY PENELOPE FEATHERINGTON!" "Oh!" The word slipped over her lips before she could even think, the squeal of it piercing the air like an off-key whistle. The three Bridgerton men turned to face her with identical horrified faces, and Penelope knew that she had just entered into what would certainly be the most awful five minutes of her life.

"Hey Stephen / I could give you fifty reasons / Why I should be the one you choose / All those other girls / Well, they're beautiful / But would they write a song for you?"

Oh, gosh. She just loves him so much, and he's standing down his brothers in front of their house in Mayfair, bellowing that he'll never marry her. Bahahaha. It's just delicious, and made even better by how horrified and remorseful Colin was, because he truly didn't mean to sound so ... cruel. And I love, love, love how she handled herself right there, with so much dignity and even a slight bit of restrained humor. Atta girl, Penny. Even Anthony was impressed.

Traveling Alone // Sherwood

His eldest brother made little attempt to disguise his impatience with Colin's wanderlust. In truth, Colin really couldn't blame him. . . . Every now and then, he simply had to get away. There was no other way to describe it. Away from the ton, who thought him a charming rogue and nothing else, away from England, which encouraged younger sons to enter the military or the clergy, neither of which suited his temperament. Even away from his family, who loved him unconditionally but had no clue that what he really wanted, deep down inside, was something to do.

"Maybe the reason I have strayed so far from home / Is I have insisted upon traveling alone."

Colin does so love to travel, and packs up and goes every couple of months. He loves his returns, he loves seeing his family and his nieces and nephews, and he loves being with his brothers. But he doesn't love being sought after by matchmaking mothers, and he doesn't like how his mother constantly pressures him to get married.

SexyBack // Justin Timberlake

Penelope caught her lower lip between her teeth, trying, for some unknown reason, to contain her smile. What magical star had Colin been born under, that he always knew what to say? He was the pied piper, leaving nothing but happy hearts and smiling faces in his wake. Penelope would have bet money - far more than the thousand pounds Lady Danbury had offered up - that she was not the only woman in London desperately in love with the third Bridgerton.

"I'm bringing sexy back / Those other boys don't know how to act."

Okay, I laughed. I cackled, actually, when it occurred to me that this was a good song for Colin's cocky, jokester, charming swagger.

But seriously. I'm totally right. :D

He's a hot MFer. That's all there is to it.

In the Sun // She & Him

If he'd said the same to her just two days earlier, she would have laughed at his joke and let him be the witty and charming one. But she must have heard Lady Danbury's voice at the back of her head, because she suddenly decided she didn't want to be the same old Penelope Featherington. She decided to join in the fun. She smiled a smile she didn't think she'd even known how to smile. It was wicked and she was mysterious, and she knew it wasn't all in her head because Colin's eyes widened markedly as she murmured, "That's a shame. It's rather enjoyable." "Penelope Featherington," he drawled, "I thought you said you weren't dancing." She shrugged. "I lied."

"Well all right / It's okay / We all get the slip sometimes every day / I'll just keep it to myself / In the sun."

Ah. This is the scene where she's dancing in Berkeley Square, and he finds her, and he flirts back with her when she decides to go for it, but then she reminds him that he can't do that, because people will talk, and it will be unkind, because no one would ever believe that he was seriously interested in her. Oh, Penelope. So rational and honest. She's just the best.

Streetlights // Kanye West

And now he'd gone and insulted her again. Not in as direct a manner, of course, but he should have thought a bit longer and harder before complaining about his life. Hell, it had sounded stupid, even to him. What did he have to complain about? Nothing. And yet there was still this nagging emptiness. A longing, really, for something he couldn't define. He was jealous of his brothers, for God's sake, for having found their passions, their legacies. The only mark Colin had left on the world was in the pages of Lady Whistledown's Society Papers. What a joke.

"Let me know / Do I still got time to grow? / Things ain't always set in stone / . . . Seems like, street lights, glowin / Happen to be just like moments, passin / In front of me so I hopped in the cab and / I paid my fare / See I know my destination / but I'm just not there."

I love my boy Ye. This song is lovely. Colin adores travel, and he adores his homecomings, but after a couple of months, he's rarin' to go again. While he's out of the country, he keeps a journal, writing down everything of note in his travels, laboring to get that perfect sentence, true in the Hemingway-ian sense. And when he's in London ... well, he has nothing to put in his travel journals. And his brothers unintentionaly exacerbate this frustration. Anthony has his legacy as the Viscount of whatever - it's who he is, who he was born to be. And Benedict is a famous painter, with works hanging in the National Gallery. And Colin feels like he has nothing, except for his travels and his journals, which are just for him, anyway. That restlessness, impatience, and frustration bubble far closer to the surface than most people in town realize.

You and Me // Lifehouse

No words for the sheer epiphany of the moment. And so, on an otherwise unremarkable Friday afternoon, in the heart of Mayfair, in a quiet drawing room on Mount Street, Colin Bridgerton kissed Penelope Featherington. And it was glorious.

"Because it's you and me."

She asks him to kiss her, because she's an old maid (at 28) and doesn't want to die without having been kissed. And the beauty of this scene, and really, the way their romance unfolds, is that he doesn't realize how much he wanted to until he was actually doing it. And what made it better - unimaginably so - was that the whole while, he knew it was her. So sweet.


Love Letter // Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Still, Colin didn't think he'd feel comfortable in his own skin until he spoke teh words, "I'm sorry." It was the right thing to do. He was a gentleman, after all. And besides, he rather fancied seeing her that morning. . . . He smiled contentedly and lay back against the squabs, watching the lovely springtime scene roll by his window. It was one of those perfect sorts of days when everything simply felt right. The sun was shining, he felt remarkably energized, he'd had an excellent morning meal . . . Life really didn't get better than this. And he was going over to see Penelope.

"Said something I did not mean to say / It all came out the wrong way / Love letter love letter / Go get her go get her / Love letter love letter / go tell her go tell her."

Colin behaves very badly to Penelope after she asks him to kiss her, and he wants to apologize. And his feelings for her become sharper, clearer during that time - even though he won't think about it and won't analyze it.

And then everything goes to hell.


A Decade Under the Influence // Taking Back Sunday

"What?" His hand closed over her upper arm with painful force. "What did you just say?" Repeating it seemed almost dangerous to her health, so Penelope just stared at him, hoping that maybe she could break through the wild anger in his eyes and find the man she knew and loved so dearly.

"Sad, small, sure in porcelain / You're skin and bones, I'm a nervous wreck / I got a bad feeling about this / I got a bad feeling about this."

Oh, God, he is SO ANGRY with her.


I'd say more but my BFF hasn't read it yet and I don't want to spoil this part.

Oh, God, so angry.

Sure Looks Good To Me // Alicia Keys

"Why are you so angry with me?" she burst out. "What have I done that is so repellant?" . . . "Penelope, you-" "No," she said forcefully. "You be quiet. It's my turn to speak." His jaw went slack as he stared at her, shock and disbelief crowding his eyes. "I am proud of what I've done," she managed to say, her voice shaking with emotion. "I don't care what you say. I don't care what anyone says. No one can take that from me."

'So don't rain on my parade."

Go, Penelope. :D

Brighter than Sunshine // Aqualung

Colin's first thought upon stepping into the drawing room was that the day, while certainly not proceeding in any manner he might have anticipated when he'd risen from bed that morning, was turning out to be a most excellent endeavor. Marriage to Penelope was an eminently sensible idea.

"I look up / You're standing next to me / what a feeling."

It's hilarious to me that he's all ARE YOU GOING TO MARRY ME OR WUT. And she's all WUT. o_O I love that when he woke up, he had no idea he was going to propose to her. Hilarious.

Breathe On Me // Britney Spears


I don't like Britney Spears. I don't particularly like this song. But I heard it randomly one day and flashed back to this scene. Those who have read it know what I'm talking about.

Whatever. I used J-Timberlake, so why not B-Spears?

Need To Be Next To You // Leigh Nash

It was funny; it had been so easy to hide her secret life as Lady Whistledown, but so unbelievably hard to keep her heart from her eyes every time she looked at him.

"Been running from this feeling for so long / Telling my heart I didn't need it / Pretending I was better off alone / But I know that it's just a lie."

While this is supposed to be about their ILYs in his bedroom after the engagement ball, I'm thinking of that one line where Penelope thinks that she'd always known she was born for Colin, and she'd spent her whole life telling herself that he had been born for someone else. And then she was proven wrong.

Also, those are my favorite salt and pepper shakers ever. I've wanted them for so long, but don't really have a reason to buy them. I have s/p shakers. They're fat cats that are holding a fish.

I would still rather have the peas.

Somebody Loved // The Weepies

His heart stood still. Because that was when he finally understood her. She had told him that she loved him, and she had shown her love as well, in all the ways he'd taught her. But never before had it been so clear, so frank, so raw. All this time she'd been begging him not to make the announcement - it had all been for him.

"You turn me into / somebody loved."

He loves her and she loves him. The end.

BONUS: Penny & Me // Hanson

"Just Penny and me tonight."

WHEE. I'm done!

Comments sustain me. <3

at mediafire

a bridgerton family series fanmix!

OMG, you guys, I'm so excited about this one! :D I looooooove the Bridgerton Family Series by Julia Quinn. She is one of only two romance writers that I will read. (I tried Nora Roberts once and hated her work.) I've read less than 20 romance novels in my life, and the majority of those I've read have been JQ's.

This one is inspired by/created for The Viscount Who Loved Me. I didn't feel like changing the title, so I left it as the title of the mix, too. I broke my rules (no repeating artists on a single mix) but who cares? I love this mix and am glad to be able to share it.

And please leave a comment if you snag - it means a lot, is a nice reward for my hard work, and I like talking to you guys.

The Viscount Who Loved Me

I didn't include a back cover because all of the songs in the zip folder are tagged with the song name, artist, album name, album cover, AND order. You're all good to go.

Track List

1. Darcy's Letter (Instrumental) - Pride and Prejudice Soundtrack (2005)

I used this because I wanted an instrumental piece to start this mix off, and I really loved the feel of this one. This kind of sets up the part where Anthony decides that he's going to get married because, well, he just is. It's time. *Nod* Yup.


Stupid boy.

2. What Kind of Fool Am I? - Sammy Davis, Jr.

I wanted a standards-y feel to this whole mix, and I think I achieved that. This image reminds me of Anthony seducing that opera singer and having her tucked away for his, er, enjoyment, and how he's lived his life so far screwing women as he pleases, and now has to settle down and get married. And screw only one woman. (Although later, he clarifies that he only expects to stay monogamous so long as his wife doesn't withhold sex. Bonehead.)

The song, though, is meant to evoke the picture of a man who realizes, on some level, that romantically, he hasn't a clue what he's doing. He knows he cannot let himself fall in love with any woman, least of all his future bride, and it just muddles everything up hopelessly.

3. I'm Not In Love At All - Doris Day

Anthony and Kate can't stand each other. Not one bit. Okay, maybe a little, but in an angry sort of way. It's mega-hot. This image invokes for me the scene in the library, where he's discovered her and realized that she saw and heard him seducing the opera singer, and he taunts her and then kisses her.

Nope. Not in love at all.

4. Embraceable You - Frank Sinatra

For me, this one is about Anthony being drawn to Kate, even though he knows she's all wrong for him, that she's not the one he should end up with. And try as he might to tell himself that it's her little sister that would make the most suitable wife, and it's Edwina, after all, that is the season's Incomparable, it's still Kate that Anthony seeks out.

This version is a little on the lovey-dovey side, but I wanted a male vocalist. I LOVE the Dean Martin version, but he's totally plastered as he sings it, and Frank and Sam are messing with him throughout the song, so unfortunately, that wouldn't have worked.


5. Fever - Peggy Lee

Kate drives Anthony absolutely crazy. She has no idea, and he has no idea what to do about it. Except taunt her more, which always backfires when she returns the favor.

I loved the scene where he reminisces about dreaming of her, and he is just so disgusted with himself for doing that. That was hilarious. He and the author pay a whole lot of attention to Kate's scent - soap and lilies - and how the scent makes such a big impression on Anthony.

6 Green, Green Grass of Home - Dean Martin

I love the scenes that take place in Kent. It's Anthony's ancestral home, and he's so at peace in the country.

And yes, I know that this song isn't JUST about being back home and the grass being green, and it's actually about dying and going to heaven, but let's just pretend it totally works instead of only slightly works, shall we? After all, one of the reasons that Anthony avoids the Kent estate, despite his love for it, is because it was the place his father died, and it reminds him of his own mortality, the chief among his fears.

7. Something's Got To Give - Ella Fitzgerald
8. Something's Got To Give - Sammy Davis, Jr.

Yes, I put two versions of this song. Together. I don't know. But I like it. I feel like one is from Kate's point of view and one is from Anthony's, even though that doesn't make sense. But I like it all the same. (Delete one or the other track if you don't care for it.)

Personally, I like the Sammy Davis version better. That man has an incomparable set of pipes on him. (In him?)

This, of course, is about the Bridgerton-Sheffield-Basset game of Pall Mall.



Delightful scenes abounded during that little bit. I especially loved Colin's part in the whole deal, and the lovely appearance by the Duke and Duchess of Hastings. I love Simon and Daphne. And I loved how Kate totally screwed Anthony over at the end. Bahaha.

9. Full of Grace - Sarah McLachlan

This is, of course, about Kate's breakdown during the thunderstorm. There's not much more to say about that.

10. Daybreak - Frank Sinatra

And then day breaks, after that terrible storm. I liked how it was mentioned that while Anthony did manage to sleep, he didn't feel at all rested.

11. In The Garden of Eden - Frankie Vaughan

It took me forever to find a good song for the garden scene. I loved it. So much push and pull. It's the first time they're seeing each other after the emotional breakthrough in the library, and there's so much more between them now. At the same time, Kate's realized that she wants Anthony for herself, not for Edwina or for any other woman. However, she's decided that she has to formally withdraw her objection to his romantic pursuit of Edwina, knowing that her feelings present a conflict of interest, and that he's actually not as bad as she thought he was. Anthony feels an undeniable pull toward Kate, and is just flummoxed by her announcement that she won't stand in his way, because he wants Kate instead. And then, of course, the bee. And all that.


12. Besame Mucho - Dean Martin

This song is slow and sexy and perfect. It reminds me of the scene in the gazebo, after Anthony has announced that he and Kate will marry within a week's time.

13. Little Things Mean A Lot - Kitty Kallen

A sweet, simple song that reminds me of how Edwina gushed that Anthony pushed Lord Haveridge out of his way at a ball to get to Kate's side, and how Lady Whistledown was completely convinced that Anthony and Kate's marriage was a love match. And how Anthony sat through Kate's flute recital, even though she suuuuuucked at it.

Little things do mean a lot.


14. Tea for Two - Frank Sinatra and Dinah Shore

The tea scene in this story is one of my favorites. It's such a sweet, cute, comfortable scene of domestic contentment.

15. I Thought About You - Frank Sinatra

This one is actually paired up with the next track. Both deal with how Anthony enjoys his time with Kate, but stays away from her, and thinks about her when he's not with her, and still manages to keep away from her. I'm particularly reminded of his musings in teh afternoon, when he happened upon Kate and Edwina for tea, how he just hadn't been able to keep himself away that afternoon, which was highly unusual for him.

16. Are You Lonesome Tonight? - Norah Jones

I envision Kate standing by the window of her bedroom, sitting on the edge of her bed, after Anthony stormed out. I see her doing the same thing after she returns from Bridgerton House, upon him throwing her out of the library.

17. I Can't Begin To Tell You - Bing Crosby

And then there's the very real chance that he may lose Kate forever - ah, the predictable "black moment."

18. Can't Help Falling In Love - Elvis Presley

The conversation in her bedchambers was really very sweet and, I thought, quite well written. It's easy to slip into cheesiness in a scene like that.

19. Everybody Loves Somebody - Dean Martin

And they have their happily ever after, and Anthony manages to live past his 38th birthday. Wonder of wonders, imagine that.


Comments sustain me, y'all.

.: download here :.
at mediafire

A "Dancing Girls of Lahore" Fanmix

I read this book called "The Dancing Girls of Lahore" and I absolutely adored it. It's nonfiction, and set in the Shahi Mohalla (Royal Neighborhood) of Lahore, Pakistan, just in the shadow of the Badshahi Masjid. It's about the women (a family - a mother and her three daughters) who live and work in the red-light district there. It's AMAZING. It is written by a British writer who lives with the family for about five years and writes her book about their lives.

If you want to learn more about the Shiite religion, red light districts, the Mughal courtesans, and Pakistani culture (especially in the red-light district) you NEED to read this book. Here's the GoodReads page for it: 

I really adored the book, so I made a fanmix for it. And I'm kind of in love with it. I used all female artists (just like the Huma Abedin mix) because this book is VERY much about the women.

I didn't make a back cover because I rarely see the need anymore. I list all the tracks here, and in the zip folder itself, the songs are all ordered, properly tagged, and include the cover art.

Track List:
  1. Chamma Chamma (China Gate) - This song is in Hindi. The main refrain refers to the girls' bangles and the sound they make (chamma chamma) when they clink together on their arms. It's cheeky and flirty and directly refers to a salient aspect of Pakistani (and Indian) traditional clothing/accessories (the bangles, duh). 
  2. Kabhi Kabhi Mere Dil Mein (Instrumental - "Sometimes In My Heart") - This song is the instrumental version of the song of the same name sang by Kishore Kumar in the 50s or 60s. It's a classic anthem of wistful love and I used it to kind of set the stage for the reader's (or listener's, I guess!) journey to a beautiful foreign land.
  3. Yellow (Alex Parks) - This is a cover of the only Coldplay song I've ever loved, and it's slow and lovely. The lyrics spoke to me in a different way than they ever had before when I considered the song for this mix. I picked it because it conveyed how deeply the author, Louise Brown, comes to care for Maha and her girls, and how firmly entrenched in their life in the Shahi Mohalla she becomes. They're her subjects, they're her family, they're her life. She watches them, she listens to them, she criticizes them, she supports them. For them she'd bleed herself dry.
  4. Believe Me (Ellie Goulding) - This song is for Maha. She is an old school courtesan type dancer: very highly skilled in classical Indian dancing. Like our ballerinas here train for years and years, so do Indian girls (certain ones, like these women) train themselves to do these highly technical and intricate Indian dances, where the fingers have to be arched perfectly in the perfect sequence. Maha is now older and fatter and doesn't command the prices or attention she used to, but this lifestyle is still very much a part of who she is and always will be.
  5. Patience (Nerina Pallot) - This song is about Maha's desperation to make a good life for her and her daughters, and how she feels trapped in Shahi Mohalla and in her circumstances.
  6. Sweet Valium High (Charlotte Sometimes) - This song describes Maha's relationship with Adnan (I think that's his name), the father of two of her children. He's an asshole. He's married to a respectable woman but keeps Maha on the side and doesn't give her much money and basically only comes over to get high.
  7. Love, Save the Empty (Erin McCarley) - This song is about the girls, and how they never really had a chance.
  8. Life is Short (Butterfly Boucher) - Another song about the girls. The part about how they're young but feel so aged really struck me because Arriba says something similar when Louise asks her why she's moving to Dubai. She says, here in Pakistan, I am old, but there I am young.
  9. Come on Closer (Jem) - First, this song samples "Baharon Phool Barsao," a Mohammad Rafi song from DECADES ago, and I just think Jem is so cool for doing that. And second, come on, what better seduction song is there? After all, these girls are prostitutes.
  10. The Mating Game (Bitter : Sweet) - Another great song about seduction, but this one also looks at the deceitful nature of this sort of seduction, which I thought fit very well with the idea of paying for sex and affection.
  11. Learnin' The Blues (Katie Melua) - At a couple points during this book, things just kind of fall apart. You'll see what I mean when you read it. Things just fall apart.
  12. By and By (Natalie Walker) - And then they hit rock bottom.
  13. Unforgivable (Plumb) - I wanted a song about how the girls feel about their mother. This one fit the bill nicely. Even though they don't all have the best relationship, I think the author does a good job of showing how the girls know the score when it comes to all of their lives better than we think they might.
  14. Wanted (Holly Brook) - Life goes on in Heera Mandi (the Diamond Market, the name for the area in which they all live).
  15. The Beacon (A Fine Frenzy) - this was meant to kind of illustrate how the author relates to the family. There are so many times when the family seems to console her, to support her, to help her, even though she is the gently bred English woman and they are the prostitutes. You just have to read it to know what I'm talking about and why this song fits.
  16. Hindi Sad Diamonds (Moulin Rouge) - I had to pick this. Come on. This song samples the first song, Chamma Chamma, and it's very much in keeping with the themes of prostitution.
And we all lose our charms in the end.

If you snag, please comment. It sustains me.

(at mediafire)

an anthony weiner and huma abedin fanmix

Yeah. Anthony Weiner is my 2nd favorite Congressman, and I've adored his wife ever since I found out she existed, really. For one of my fashion-y blog posts, I posted an outfit inspired by Huma Abedin. For some reason (I think I know why) I just can't get these two out of my head. This incident is tremendously embarrassing and unfortunate and it's clear that the Dems really just want to get rid of Weiner. Stick up for the working and middle class and your party will jump on the bandwagon to get you out of town. Lesson learned.

I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for Huma Abedin, and even some for Weiner even though I think what he did was gross. But he never lied under oath, he didn't cybersex(t) while trying to outlaw it, and he never said anyone's lifestyle or orientation were an abomination. He made a lot of stupid mistakes and came off really arrogant, but he gets a pass from me on this. No one fights for women and the working and middle class like he does. We need a man like him. If I lived in NY I'd walk right over to his Brooklyn offices and start volunteering immediately if they'd have me.

I don't mean to fetishize their lives or their scandal. But something about their story really grabbed on to me, and I literally HAD to make this fanmix, almost to purge myself of it. I'm pleased with how it turned out, even though the fanart for the cover isn't that great because I was away from my real computer with all the fancy Photoshop stuff and had to use a more bare-bones image program. Still. I like how this turned out. No back cover because no one really needs that when there are so many songs (sixteen, with one secret bonus track not listed anywhere here) that they wouldn't even fit nicely on it.

I modeled the fanmix on the five stages of grief, and interpreted Bargaining a little differently. Instead of seeing it as the individual bargaining with God ("God, if I _____, will You ____?") because, really, that just made me feel, as a God-fearing person myself, that it was always exclusive, the same way AA is, asking alcoholics to put their trust in God. I mean, what about atheists and agnostics and all those folks who just don't believe in God? For that reason, I never liked Bargaining and didn't want to include it here. I interpreted Bargaining more as the individual being conflicted - go with the heart or go with the mind, kind of thing. Here, I used it in the sense of the spouse that was cheated on still loving the cheater, but being angry. I hope that makes sense. It makes sense in my head.

For this album, I really wanted to find female artists that I didn't know, or didn't really listen to, and I succeeded. I wanted it to be pretty much all girls, with one guy-song that's just for referencing Weiner's mistake.

I've blabbed enough. Here we go.

Heh. The cover is okay. Not the best. But damn, I love that picture of Huma. She's a twig, isn't she? That's not why I love her. I'm just saying, she's an absolute twig, and it suits her. I think she's wearing an Oscar de la Renta, which shouldn't surprise anyone because the two of them are BFFs. :| Jealous.

all songs are properly tagged and ordered.
track list and commentary under the cut.Collapse )

A Johnny/Nadine FicMix!

Yep, I made another ficmix that most of my non-LJ fans will immediately recognize. This is for a story by the same name as the fanmix (which shouldn't be too hard to find for the resourceful), for the General Hospital fandom. Now, this couple never existed. They shared like 5 minutes of airtime total. :-P But they were awesome. And inspired a lot of fandom love, even though they will never be because the female character left town, and the show is probably (hopefully) going to be canceled soon anyway, because it absolutely sucks. (I haven't watched since 2008 and am still bitter. Can you tell?) 

Anyway, this is for Johnny Zacchara and Nadine Crowell. Reading the story or knowing of it will help explain the mix, but whatever. Free music, right?!

Let's get down to it. Click the album covers for a bigger version.


In the words of dear Baldrick, "get it here." Collapse )
This is a fanmix to accompany a General Hospital fanfic about Elizabeth/Jason and Nadine/Johnny. The fanfic is of the same name and shouldn't be difficult to find. :P

Click on the cover art to enlarge.


It Was Comical: A Merry Fucking Christmas FanMix

Click it!Collapse )

A Sideshow Bob FanMix

This was made in response to a challenge at singustosleep, and I'm posting it a little early because otherwise I'll forget and it'll never get posted. Also, I'm impatient when it comes to sharing things I made.

It's a mix in honor of one of my favorite villains ever, Sideshow Bob on the Simpsons, voiced by Kelsey Grammar. The cover art theme was "monochromatic," so that should explain that. I absolutely adore this mix, all of it, which is kind of rare for when I put a mix together. Usually I love half or most of the songs, and the rest are just on there because they fit so well, not because I particularly like them.


No One Who Speaks German Could Be An Evil Man: A Robert Underdunk Terwilliger FanMix

You can't handle the truth! No truth-handler, you! I deride your truth-handling abilities!Collapse )